My Child has no friends ....

1. My child has no friends. How can I help him?
2. First off in my opinion: Never force your child to socialize. Most Aspies and autistic people are happy to just be by themselves. Yet as Aspies go through adolescence, most realize that they are missing out by not fitting in. It is at this point in their lives that they crave friendships, yet this unfulfilled desire on top of high school pressure to conform, constant rejection and harassment can often cause clinical depression in Aspie teens. They grow more isolated even as they crave more interaction with others. Young Aspie children often believe everyone in their kindergarten is the same and everyone is a friend. Aspie teens know better.
   
   Some research shows that the more time an Aspie spends socializing, the happier he is. Aspies can and do form friendships. When they do, research shows that even one friendship will speed up their entire social development. Temple Grandin, Liane Willey and other adult Aspies have written about compassionate people who took the time to form friendships with them and by doing so, changed their lives for the better. But what happens if your aspie teen is not making a connection with these compassionate people?
   
   Some suggestions are:
   
   See if there is a group at school that your son/daughter might be interested in. Peer Buddies is becoming more and more recognized in schools world wide. If your school doesn't have this group stop by their website for suggestions on how to get it started. There are groups at schools that are not competitive. That is what your son/daughter needs.
   
   How about having your son/daughter volunteer. This will allow your child to do something he/she enjoys and also make connections with others.
   
   I am sure your child talks about an individual at school. See if you can have a lunch date on the weekend. Invite the child over to your house even if it is only for an hour. Make cookies, play a game, go swimming, sit and play games on the computer - anything where the two will interact. Do it again and again. Make it a special time for the two of them so they will look forward to being together.
   
   It will be a one step at a time doing. It will not happen overnight and do not stress because your child does not have friends. Remember, more times then not they enjoy being by themselves. Good luck.

11 yr old Diaper tearing off

Asking for xx1 who wrote me a private email.

"Her autistic 11 yr old son is still in diapers and is now ripping them off and being a lil' picaso. Any suggestions?


                                                   


My answer:  My initial thought is that he no longer wants the diaper on or it could be a sensitivity issue. Do potty training as you would with a 2 or 3 year old by escorting him to the bathroom every hour to see if he needs to void. Be sure to have items in the bathroom that are of interest to him so he can view them while sitting on the throne. Give him maybe 10 minutes if nothing is completed and retry in about 1/2 hr. Keep this up until he is actually able to void in the toilet. Through repetition he might be able to realize that he is no longer needing the diaper and able to defecate into the toilet. Hopes this helps. Let us know how it goes.

Picky Eater

From Amy --> My daughter has been newly diagnosed with asperger's and i am still trying to learn everything there is to learn about it.. I have noticed that she is starting to eat the same foods everyday without wanting a change is this common?

To Amy -->  Yes Amy this is very common and very well could be a sensitivity issue with food textures and/or taste.  Fussy eaters and Asperger's go hand in hand. You might want to keep a food journal to record what foods your daughter seems to love and which one she turns her nose up at. The taste buds on our tongues are divided into four groups: sweet, sour, bitter or salty. Sometimes an autistic child may only eat foods from one of these categories. In other cases, most foods may be tolerable but only with liberal doses of a particular sauce or condiment covering everything.  My Aspie son use to love ketchup on everything from the fries right down to green beans and this assured me as long as I had ketchup on hand he would use the ketchup as a dip for everything.  His food tendencies are changing all the time and currently he is on a hot dog run.  If I allowed him to eat hot dogs for breakfast lunch and dinner he would be extremely satisfied.

Some children will only eat foods of a certain color, or food can only be eaten if it is from a favorite container or plate. When there are so many possible 'invisible' causes, a child's refusal to eat can easily be interpreted as willful misbehavior. You need to play the role of 'behavior detective' to find the precise causes of negative reactions to new food and this is where the food journal comes in. The first step is to clearly document what, when, where and how your child will and won't eat certain foods. Be aware of sensory issues such as textures, heat, cold, smell and color. Often a pattern can emerge with time that helps to determine the issues involved.

When texture is a known issue, try to introduce new foods in a similar way at first. For example, a new vegetable can be turned into a puree if chunky textures aren't liked, or traditionally hot food can be served at room temperature.

Thanks for your question.

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